Grateful 2011:September Edition

Trusting relationships. Lunch with Colleen. Adventures with Becky. Grandma/pa Rempfer. Email from Melissa. Sarah. Melissa's excitement for things in my life (or the things that I hope for in my life). Affirmation that he is fine. Reminders of what my priorities should be. Coming home. Dinner with neighbors. Grateful parents. Email from Melissa. Opportunities to practice saying no. Fall treats from Kelli. Walks in the rain. Nate and Lisa. Phone call from Shelly. Long distance book club! Vander and family. Lunch with Sarah. Quiet moments. Cuddling with M. Fulfilling life goal of buying a tree. Lunch dates with students. An ENTIRE day with my guys. Bringing M. home two years ago. Homemade spiced pear jam. Stewart kids. Finishing early. Late night talk with Jon. Sunrise.

Lukewarm

We made the drive to Rapid City last night.

It was a late night, driving well into the early morning hours of today.

So with the late drive came a lot of singing, a lot of crappy food, and a lot of thinking and a lot of talking.

While Jon took the second shift and my two guys slept in the back, I rattled off to Jon a lot of the thoughts that were racing through my brain and Jon challenged me (I love having these types of conversations by the way - and I am pretty sure that if you are with me past 10:30 pm I will subject you to my late night thinking/pondering life/making sense of it all sessions).

Anyways, I was talking to him about a book I was reading and how it addressed being a lukewarm person spiritually and how over the past few days it has got me thinking......

Am I a lukewarm person?

Do I stand for what I believe in?

Do I speak up for injustice?

Do I take risks even when I know what the end result might be?

I had an experience this past week where I was confronted with the ongoing racism that still exists in our community. I presented what I am very passionate about, and I am sure that I ticked a few people off in the course of that presentation. I am also pretty sure that in the course of those two hours, I had A LOT of assumptions and judgements made about who I am as a person. At first I was bothered by the fact that people are judging me based on this short period of time. But after reflecting on it, I realized that I would rather people know what I stand for than not - even if it means judgments are made.

So am I lukewarm? I don't know - I think that sometimes I can definitely walk the middle of the road and play it safe - other times I get pretty passionate and charge full speed ahead.

I hope that in those moments of "playing it safe" that I have surrounded myself with people that will speak honestly and boldly with me. People that will inspire and challenge me. People that will continue in helping me become the person that I daily yearn to be.

Sometimes

Sometimes I don't sleep well.

Sometimes I can't sleep.

Sometimes it is the things of life that keep me up.

Sometimes it is the things of my family's life that keep me up.

Sometimes it is the dreams I have.

Sometimes it is the dreams my family has.

Sometimes I can fall back to sleep.

Sometimes I see the sunrise.

Celebrating Two Years with Tree Hugging

Yesterday marked the two year anniversary since we brought M. home.

Two years. Two years! Time has flown by!

In addition to the many special stories and memories that were shared again this week, we headed out to a local nursery on Friday and bought an aspen tree.

I have always had this little idea/dream to plant a tree for each one of our children when they were born. Obviously, our children will be coming into our families at very different times and ways, so that might not work. But, two years is just as joyous of an occasion to put this idea into motion.

M. was filled with excitement about "his tree" and as soon as we set it on the ground, he started doing a little dance to celebrate. He was also sure it give it lots of hugs so it would grow big and strong like him. And because he is who he is, he was also sure to yell at anyone within walking distance that this was his tree and "No one can take it - even if you want it!" Dinner was even interrupted a few times as we "checked" on the tree to make sure it was doing okay.

So here is to M. May you grow big and strong. May you become deeply rooted and receive all the nourishing that you need. Love you little man!

Lunch Dates

I had the opportunity to visit the school I previously worked at last year and have lunch with some of my former students.

It was definitely the highlight of my day.

I forget how much I love being with students, hearing about their lives, spending time each day with them, watching them grow.

Gosh, I have missed them so much.

So lunch dates were exactly what my teacher heart needed. I loved EVERY minute of it!

My dear friend was smart enough to take pictures. I wish that I could post them.....they just bring me so much joy and I am pretty sure that I have looked at them at least 6 times since have them sent to me and I can't wait to see them again!

Two Years Ago Today

Two years ago today we met M. for the first time.

(September 18, 2011 - Two years after first meeting M.)

We spent some time remembering those special moments today.

As we reread our journal entries from that day (feel free to read our entries from last year as we spend this week remembering our time in Ethiopia), our hearts are filled with emotions and gratitude for the past two years. It hasn't always been easy and we haven't always had all the answers, but those first moments of seeing M. are still so clear in our minds and we are so thankful that he is our son.

There are many moments over the past two years where I felt that I have no patience left in me, no tolerance left for the energy and friendliness, no freaking idea how I am suppose to raise this beautiful boy in a way that won't destroy him and mess him up....

But, somehow in those moments, I gain glimpses of the beauty of having this little boy as my son. I gain glimpses of the many, many lessons that are being thrown at me to learn through his heart. When he cuddles up next to me, calls me his princess, and creates rules that involve hugs my heart swells knowing that he is absolutely perfect for me - even in the most challenging moments.

Project Time - Travel History

For a long time I have been wanting to create a way for us to mark all of the places that we have traveled to over the years. I have seen lots of neat ideas in books and online, but I didn't have the patience or money to make any of them happen. So after a lot of late night thinking (I haven't been sleeping very well for several months, so I often lay in bed and spend those hours doing a lot of thinking and attempting at creating) I came up with the idea to put some cork board in a picture frame, glue a map on the top and then mark it with pins. Here is the end result - minus the pins.

How Does Your Garden Grow?

Last year I was fortunate enough to work with a very talented person who has similar philosophies, hopes and dreams as I do (and not just as a teacher, but as a mom of a little man). She seriously became a saving grace for me - and continues to be. I am so grateful for her friendship and the opportunity to work alongside her.

So during one of our many conversations last year, some how the idea was thrown out there that WE should start a school garden. We talked about all of the benefits (for both us and the students) and how great it would be to get this going.

Then I left her to do all of the work.

I know - I was not the most helpful co-sponsor of the garden club.

Thankfully, despite my shortcomings, she continued to do many, MANY amazing things and has made such a difference in this community.

The paper featured a story about the garden club, it made the front page!

I am so proud of her, this garden and all the work she has done so be sure to check the story out!

Pondering

(Image borrowed from louiethebunny.blogspot.com)

I choose to believe that there is nothing more sacred or profound than this day. I choose to believe that there may be a thousand big moments embedded in this day, waiting to be discovered like tiny shards of gold. The big moments are the daily, tiny moments of courage and forgiveness and hope that we grab on to and extend to one another. That’s the drama of life, swirling all around us, and generally I don’t even see it, because I’m too busy waiting to become whatever it is I think I am about to become. The big moments are in every hour, every conversation, every meal, every meeting.

― Shauna Niequist, Cold Tangerines: Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life

Puppy Love

This puppy rode to school with us, but wasn't allowed to get out of the car (toys aren't allowed at school).

So the little man buckled in puppy and after he was sure that he was all safe proceeded to tell puppy,

"Now you be a good puppy, have fun learning today and playing with your friends. Listen to mommy and make sure you don't yell or pee in your pants. I'll see you soon!"

He then grabbed puppy's face with both hands and planted a big smooch on him.

Pretty sweet little man.

Ugh.

We've had some interesting conversations these past few days with the little man about his race.

Comments have been made at school and long story short, it is impacting his heart and how he views himself.

My heart breaks for him and my eyes well up with tears even as I write this. I want nothing more than for my sweet boy to feel like he belongs and is beautiful. I want him to be confident in who God created him to be and never think that he falls short or is the wrong color.

So this is what is keeping me up at night. This is what I am now currently trying to teach myself all about.

"Individuals of any race or culture do not outgrow the longing to be connected - to have a sense of belonging, to be with others who are "just like me," and to know they are a part of a broader community." (Excerpt from Dim Sum, Bagels, and Grits)

You just forget how privileged you are to be white until something like this smacks you in the face.

Seriously, Did This Just Happen?!?

Returned home from our weekend adventures and was unpacking the car. As I was pulling things out of the car, the little man kept telling me that I needed to take in his water bottle for him and then took off running down the sidewalk. I asked my friend to look after him and she came back a little panicked.

This is how the next five minutes of my life went:

Becky: "You might need to get some toilet paper."

Me: "What? Why? Is he bleeding or something?"

Becky: "Umm, nope. Looks like he couldn't wait.

Me: "He's POOPING! You're kidding me?! In the front yard?!?"

So I ran inside, grabbed some toilet paper, and headed out front to find M. with one hand on the house and one on the steps squatting in the corner.

Me: "M. what are you doing?!!"

M.: "I had to go to the bathroom."

Me: "Well, why didn't you go inside?! Why are you pooping in the front yard?!"

M.: "Well mom, that's just the way it goes sometimes. When you have to poop you have to poop."

At this time I am standing there looking down at my son thinking to myself, "Can this get anymore ridiculous?" Yes. Yes it can.

A few minutes have passed - felt more like twenty - and I all of a sudden see M. lift up one hand and wave hello to someone! I. am. horrified.

My son, who is currently squatting in the front yard, happens to be so polite that he even waves hello when he is taking a dump!

M."Hi!"

Person walking by looks over, says hi back and then registers what is happening and appears to be in shock.

M."I am pooping. That's what you do sometimes."

Shocked person: "Okay?!"

Me: HORRIFIED. So I pick him up in the middle of his business and run him to the back yard where he resumes business.

"Are you almost finished here?"

M.: "Nope. I still have to go more mom."

Me: "Are you kidding me?"

M.: "Nope. That's the way it goes sometimes mom. That's the way it goes."

Please tell me this happens to other people!?!

Be Brave Momma, Be Brave!