Sunday, August 29, 2010

5 year anniversary

Five years ago Hurricane Katrina swept through many communities reeking havoc, showing mercy to no one. I was 28 hours away (by car) living my life somewhat oblivious to the destruction that was taking over these homes, families, and communities.

It is devastating to me that funds weren't allocated and communities weren't visited until September 2nd, which happened to be the same time that food and water first arrived. This is four days after the destruction took place.

I had the opportunity to travel with eight other people almost a month after the hurricane hit, to try and provide some sort of relief efforts the masses that were dazed, in shock and still hurting.

The day before we left, we still had no idea where exactly we would be going. Initially we thought Houston, then Waveland, but then we ended up in Bay St. Louis. Below is an excerpt from my journaling during that time.

"An hour outisde of Bay St. Louis you begin to see the destruction. Huge trees knocked over as if they were toothpicks. Homes and buildings destroyed with very little left that is recognizable, while others stand perfectly untouched. Cars abandoned in the ditch, some parked there while others are tossed like toys.

You can't help but wonder about the many people this has affected. What were their lives like, what is it like for them now? Will they return? Do they feel punished?

There is so much pain and destruction here. It is overwhelming trying to take it all in. My emotions are getting the best of me and my heart is swelling with sadness. How can I make a difference here? How can I ease the pain?

Camping in the middle of a Winn-Dixie parking lot, surrounded by donations and Red Cross trucks brings in masses of wandering souls aching to find comfort in all that has been lost. This black asphalt parking lot has become a temporary home for me and a place of service and comfort for many others.

We spent the day working on an elderly man's home, Renato. He built 70% of his home and despite the 10 foot stilts it rests upon, water reached the attic, creating a home of mud and mold. This man was incredibly humble and wanted to continually give us what little he had left. I spent some time visiting with him, listening to whatever he was willing to share. He told me that his wife can no longer take the sadness that comes with their home anymore. He hopes to remove the damage and pain and restore it so she will want to return. He sounds hopeful, but there is so much sorrow in his eyes. As we packed up to leave I went to shake his hand and he pulled me in for a hug. My heart broke and I began to cry with him. It was incredibly difficult to leave him standing at the end of his driveway knowing he has worked his entire life to provide for his family only to have that ripped away. I felt his loneliness and pain and that became more unbearable than the heat and humidity.

It is hard to leave Bay St. Louis. I feel that there is so much that still needs to be done. My time here is minimal compared to what it should be. There is still so much that needs to be rebuilt."

Katrina reminded us about the injustices that still remain prevalent in our societies today, but are often swept under the rug - poverty, racism, and corruption. The thing is, these things didn't go away with Katrina and five years later they are still prevalent.

We can't forget the work that still needs to be done. We can't forget the injustices. We can't forget the role we place in restoration. We can't forget that there is a Kingdom being rebuilt...

Friday, August 27, 2010

Kids Say the Darndest Things

We were in Rapid for a friend's wedding.

While driving to the rehearsal dinner M. suddenly became very quite and sat in his car seat with his eyes closed, limbs limp and mouth quiet.

I asked him if he was okay, to which he quickly replied,

"I need batteries!"

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Spoken To

I was listening to Pandora this evening while doing some work and the following two Ben Harper songs came on. Both seemed to mirror a lot of what I have been thinking through lately....

Forever
Welcome to the Cruel World

Not talkin' about a year, no not three or four
I don't want that kind of forever in my life anymore
Forever always seems to be around when it begins
But forever never seems to be around when it ends

So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

People spend so much time, every single day
Runnin' 'round all over town, givin' their forever away
But no, not me, I won't let my forever roam
And now I hope I can find my forever a home

So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

Like a handless clock with numbers an infinite of time
No, not the forever found only in my mind
Forever always seems to be around when things begin
But forever never seems to be around when things end

So give me your forever
Please your forever
Not a day less will do
From you

Faithfully Remain
White Lies for Dark Times

I learned to say goodbye
To say goodbye too young
I learned to duck from words
Like bullets from a gun

How long can you pray?
How long can you pray
And still not see change?
I, I faithfully remain, I faithfully remain

Somethings
Somethings you have to let be lost
Some battles
Some battles you have to leave unfought

Then the truth just wastes away
In all we dare not say
And then all we can't explain
But I faithfully remain, I faithfully remain

Now I'm afraid once again
Once again it has come to this
When it all goes dark nothing stays the same
And now I'm only what I miss

And my memories, they turn to tears
Oh, they turn to fire, blood and pain
And I, I faithfully remain, I faithfully remain
And I, I faithfully remain, I faithfully remain, I faithfully remain

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Goodbyes

*I wrote this at the end of July after having said goodbye to another friend who was moving. I have held onto it for awhile because... well because it all still feels so real...and just when I feel like I am doing okay, we have to say goodbye once again. Ugh!

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I realize hate is a pretty strong word, but I HATE goodbyes. Ask anyone that has known me for a period of time and they can probably recount to you a time when I had to say goodbye and did one of the following:

hid behind Micah
avoided them altogether
stalled until the last possible moment
threw some sarcasm into the conversation
cried foolishly and
couldn't pull it together long enough to share the words I really wanted to...

yup, I hate them.

always have and probably always will.

For months after someone leaves it is incredibly difficult for me to think of them without getting teary eyed.

Goodbyes just bring up so much for me emotionally. I don't just feel saddness when saying goodbye. I feel this overwhelming saddness and hurt and sometimes even rejection-my heart just plain and simple aches. I hate it.

I have had to say goodbye to a lot of wonderful people in my life these past two months and I am frankly sick of it. I don't understand why so many of my dear friends are leaving Laramie and we are staying. I realize that this is part of what comes with the town we live in - a constant transient community - but it sucks. It makes me want to be the one leaving - getting away from this place that cycles through my friendships every three to five years. It just feels so painfully sad and so painfully hard to move through right now.

Ugh.

I am really sick of goodbyes.....

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Counting the Gains..

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“For everything you have missed, you have gained something else, and for everything you gain, you lose something else.”
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Thursday, August 19, 2010

Back to the Way it Should Be...


The little man is so excited that bath time now happens in the bathtub and not the cooler or sink. He is loving it so much! So much in fact that he is asking for baths! Oh, and just incase you are wondering... yes, that is a soap goatee - not to be mistaken for a crazy child foaming at the mouth.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Pondering...

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I've been reading the book Perpetua and came across this passage:

"Thinking can be frightening when you don't know how the story ends.
He saw too clearly. 'You don't have anyone bigger than yourself to trust."

Ahh, the endless battle of learning to trust.....