Goodbyes

*I wrote this at the end of July after having said goodbye to another friend who was moving. I have held onto it for awhile because... well because it all still feels so real...and just when I feel like I am doing okay, we have to say goodbye once again. Ugh!

I realize hate is a pretty strong word, but I HATE goodbyes. Ask anyone that has known me for a period of time and they can probably recount to you a time when I had to say goodbye and did one of the following:

hid behind Micah

avoided them altogether

stalled until the last possible moment

threw some sarcasm into the conversation

cried foolishly and

couldn't pull it together long enough to share the words I really wanted to...

yup, I hate them.

always have and probably always will.

For months after someone leaves it is incredibly difficult for me to think of them without getting teary eyed.

Goodbyes just bring up so much for me emotionally. I don't just feel saddness when saying goodbye. I feel this overwhelming saddness and hurt and sometimes even rejection-my heart just plain and simple aches. I hate it.

I have had to say goodbye to a lot of wonderful people in my life these past two months and I am frankly sick of it. I don't understand why so many of my dear friends are leaving Laramie and we are staying. I realize that this is part of what comes with the town we live in - a constant transient community - but it sucks. It makes me want to be the one leaving - getting away from this place that cycles through my friendships every three to five years. It just feels so painfully sad and so painfully hard to move through right now.

Ugh.

I am really sick of goodbyes.....